What should I say in my first language exchange conversation?

Creating a language exchange profile is a great way to improve your fluency, but what comes next? You’ve downloaded Tandem, set up your profile, sent a few messages, and maybe have a few potential language exchange partners in mind.

So, logically speaking, it’s time for your first conversation, but suddenly your brain goes blank.

You know some basic words and have studied grammar, you’ve practiced with gamified apps or flashcards, but when it’s time to finally speak to a real person, one question may dominate your mind:

“What am I supposed to say?”

If you’re about to have your first language exchange on Tandem, this is all pretty normal. Nearly every beginner feels nervous before the first text or audio message. You might worry about your pronunciation or whether there are going to be awkward silences. Or you might worry that you won’t understand your language exchange partner because you don’t know enough words.

The truth is, your first conversation doesn’t need to be impressive; it just needs to happen.

Language exchange isn’t a test; it’s a practice space. And the best first conversations aren’t the most advanced ones. They’re the ones where both people feel comfortable enough to keep going. Here, we’ll give you some tips on what you can say to kickstart your first language exchange conversation and give you the confidence to keep going.

Why the first language exchange conversation feels so intimidating

There’s something uniquely vulnerable about speaking a language you’re still learning, especially with someone who is a native speaker. When you’re practicing on your own, you can look things up, practice pronunciation a few times, and do so privately. When you’re having a live conversation, things are more immediate, which can be intimidating. It’s completely normal to feel nervous before your first language exchange. Most beginners worry about the same things:

• Making grammar mistakes
• Having a strong accent
• Forgetting simple vocabulary
• Experiencing awkward silence
• Not understanding what your partner says

Underneath all of these fears is one more profound thought: “What if I’m not good enough yet?” Here’s the thing that matters: you are not expected to be good enough, you’re expected to be learning and, therefore, making mistakes.

Your language partner isn’t looking for perfection. They’re looking for connection and mutual practice. They’ve been in your position before, searching for words, hesitating mid-sentence, replaying grammar rules in their head. Language exchange isn’t meant to be a test; it’s just two people meeting in the midst of imperfection to grow and make progress.

Before you start: A short checklist to prepare for language exchange

To help put your mind at ease, there are a few things you can do to prepare for your language exchange. You don’t have to have a full script in front of you. In fact, that’s the opposite of what’s recommended. Still, there are some things you can do to help ease your anxiety and set yourself up for success.

1. Prepare a simple, natural introduction

When conversations feel awkward, it’s usually because we don’t know how to begin. To help, you can prepare a short introduction to remove that initial uncertainty.

You can follow this structure:

• Your name
• Where you’re from
• Why you’re learning the language
• One or two hobbies

For example:

“Hi, I’m Lucas. I’m from Germany. I’m learning Spanish because I want to travel to South America. I like running and cooking.”

Or:

“Hi, I’m Aiko. I’m from Japan. I’m learning English for my job. I enjoy reading and watching movies.”

Notice how simple these are. No complex grammar. No impressive vocabulary. Your goal is clarity, not complexity. If you’re nervous about speaking, practice saying your introduction out loud once or twice. You don’t need to memorize it. Just make it familiar.

2. Choose three to five easy topics in advance

Next, it’s a good idea to think about some topics you want to discuss to help calm that initial bout of anxiety. This way, instead of relying on spontaneous inspiration, you have a few “safe” topics at your disposal. Some good, beginner-friendly topics include:

• What you do for work or school
• Your daily routine
• Your city or country
• Food you like
• Weekend activities
• Why you’re learning the language

You can even prepare one simple question for each topic:

• “What do you usually do on weekends?”
• “What food is popular in your country?”
• “How long have you been learning English?”

You probably won’t use all of them. That’s fine. Just knowing they’re there lowers the pressure.

3. Decide how you’ll split the languages

One pillar of a successful language exchange is making sure that you and your chat partner are both benefiting from the conversation. The way to do this? Determining how to split the languages. A simple way to suggest structure early on is by asking:

“Can we speak English for 15 minutes and then Spanish for 15 minutes?”

Or:

“Do you prefer to switch halfway through?”

This does three things:

1. It shows you respect their learning time.
2. It creates balance.
3. It removes uncertainty.

Structure reduces stress, especially in your first conversation. However, you can always adjust your formatting or language split later on.

4. Write down five rescue phrases

A rescue phrase is something that you know how to say in order to gain clarity or to have something repeated, just in case you misheard or didn’t understand. Some helpful phrases to learn in your target language include:

• “Can you repeat that more slowly?”
• “Sorry, I didn’t understand.”
• “What does that word mean?”
• “Can you type it in the chat?”
• “How do you pronounce that?”
• “Let me think for a second.”

If you’re on a call, keep them written nearby. If you’re texting, save them in your notes. Just knowing that you have a safety net can help you relax during your language exchange.

First conversation scripts for absolute beginners

All of the above tips are great for helping you prepare, but what do you actually say once the conversation starts? While we don’t recommend memorizing specific phrases and simply repeating them, as this takes away from the most important benefit of language exchange, a loose idea of what you want to say can reduce anxiety. Here are a few ready-to-use examples of conversations that can be adapted or used as is. But again, try not to rely on them too heavily.

If you’re starting with text: a low-pressure option

Texting is often the easiest way to begin, as it gives you time to think, translate, and respond without the pressure of real-time speaking. Some options to send for your first message (in your target language) include:

“Hi! Nice to meet you. My name is ___. I’m from ___. I’m learning ___ because ___. How are you?”

This works because it’s warm, clear, and invites a response. If you want to be slightly more detailed, you can say something like:

“Hi! I’m ___. I live in ___. I’ve been learning ___ for about ___ months/years. I want to improve my speaking. What about you?”

You can adjust depending on your level, and let your language partner know where you’re at and what your language goals are.

How to keep the text conversation going

After introductions, try one of these natural follow-ups:

• “What do you usually do on weekends?”
• “What’s your city like?”
• “Why did you start learning my language?”
• “What’s your favorite food from your country?”
• “Do you prefer texting or voice calls for practice?”

If the conversation feels good, you can gently suggest the next step:

“Would you like to try a short voice call sometime this week?”

Or even:

“I’m a little nervous about speaking, but I’d like to practice more. Would you be open to that?”

If it’s your first voice call

Voice can feel intimidating because you can’t edit your words. That’s okay. You don’t need perfect sentences; you just need to communicate. Here’s a simple structure you can follow almost word-for-word.

Step 1: Start the call

Keep it basic.

“Hi! It’s nice to meet you. Can you hear me clearly?”

You can add:

“I’m a little nervous; this is my first language exchange.”

This can help both of you relax, especially if your language partner is feeling the same nervousness.

Step 2: Introduce yourself

Stick to short sentences.

“My name is ___. I’m from ___. I live in ___. I’m learning ___ because ___. I’ve been studying for ___ months.”

If you get stuck, pause. It’s normal. If needed, you can also add:

“Sorry, I need a second to think.”

That’s completely fine.

Step 3: Ask easy, open questions

Avoid questions that only require “yes” or “no.” Instead of:

“Do you like your city?”

Try:

“What do you like about your city?”

Here are some strong beginner-friendly examples:

• “What do you usually do after work or school?”
• “How long have you been learning my language?”
• “What’s the hardest part of learning it?”
• “Do you want to travel somewhere using this language?”

Let their answer guide the next question.

Step 4: Suggest the language switch

If it’s unclear when to switch languages, just say:

“Would you like to switch languages now?”

Or:

“Let’s practice your English for 15 minutes and then mine.”

Clear communication prevents awkwardness.

Step 5: Close the conversation comfortably

When you feel like the conversation is coming to a natural end, or if you’ve reached the end of the time you agreed on, try to end on a positive note:

“This was really helpful. Thank you for speaking with me.”

You can also say:

“I enjoyed talking with you. Would you like to practice again next week?”

Or even:

“Next time, maybe we can talk about travel or food?”

Ending with a suggestion makes it easier to continue building the exchange.

What to say if there’s an awkward pause

Silence happens, and it can feel awkward when you don’t know each other well. However, it doesn’t mean the conversation is failing. Here are natural ways to restart it:

• “What did you do last weekend?”
• “By the way, what kind of music do you like?”
• “I’m curious, what’s a typical day like for you?”
• “Do you have any pets?”
• “What’s something interesting about your country?”

You can even be honest and tell them that your mind went blank for a second or that you were trying to think of a response. It’s human and relatable, and may even be the start of a great friendship.

If you don’t understand something

This is one of the most common fears in a first language exchange conversation. You hear your language partner say something, and it goes in one ear and out the other. That’s okay. Try using these phrases confidently for clarification:

• “Can you say that more slowly?”
• “Sorry, I didn’t catch that.”
• “What does ___ mean?”
• “Can you use a simpler word?”
• “Can you type it in the chat?”

If you make a mistake

Mistakes happen; it’s part of learning. Instead of freezing up, try this pattern:

1. Say the sentence.
2. Notice the mistake.
3. Correct yourself.

For example:

“Yesterday I go… sorry, I went to the store.”

That self-correction shows active learning. However, it’s not always the case. If your partner corrects you, simply respond with:

“Thank you, that helps.”

25 Easy questions for your first language exchange

As mentioned, we don’t necessarily recommend writing out a script and trying to stick to it simply because that’s not how conversations happen when you’re out in the real world. Still, being prepared can make a world of difference. If you’re wondering what to say next, use these.

Getting to know you

• Where are you from?
• What is your city like?
• What do you do for work or school?
• Do you live alone or with family?

Hobbies and interests

• What do you do on weekends?
• What music do you like?
• Do you watch any TV shows?
• What sports do you enjoy?

Language learning

• Why are you learning English/Spanish/etc.?
• How long have you been studying?
• What is the hardest part?
• Do you prefer grammar or speaking practice?

Culture and lifestyle

• What food is popular in your country?
• What is a traditional holiday?
• What time do people usually eat dinner?
• What is something tourists should know?

You don’t need to be perfect; you just need to start

Your first conversation on Tandem might feel awkward, and that’s okay. So many people put off starting a language exchange because they don’t feel confident enough in their conversation skills, but that’s where growth happens. Once you start a conversation, your confidence increases, your listening improves, and you realize that you can actually communicate, even if it’s just basic exchanges. Everyone who is fluent in another language has had awkward moments, but when you push past them, the real learning happens. To start your first conversation, download Tandem and create a profile today.